Friday, September 01, 2006
Seriously, I nolonger know what he wants. I admit, I still like him but I doubt its love. Everything just didnt seem to worked out after that incident. I know that it was wrong of me to take him for granted initially, when we first started dating. I was ignorant, childish, wilful and unreasonable. Basically a tough nut to crack yet he tried his best to give in to me, took care of me and showered me with unconditional love.
I used to be pretty
xiao mei mei and pretty much just took everything he did for granted ( what do u expect? I was only 14 then). I might not show it out, but I really really appreciate everything that he did. In the first place, he was brave enough to even date me. I mean, I had 7 ex-bfs and my longest relationship then was merely 3mths while most of them lasted less than a week. Any guy in their right frame of mind would probably try to stay as far as possible from me. Yet he took up the challenge and I was like his 2nd gf. =/ Brave kid right!!! Deserves a courage award. =D
Intially, I thought the relationship wouldnt last for long just like all the others. Guess I was too immature and took it as a play thing. The feeling would usually fade away within a week and I would usually avoid them during the week together, but things just isnt the same towards him. In fact, he was the first guy that I really fell for. The usual playgirl me, actually stayed in a relationship which lasted for nearly 3 years.
For the first 2 years, he really gave his best and I really felt loved. He had to bear with my stubborness, constant wilful tantrum. I'm not the fastest person on earth, in fact I believe Im one of the slowest, thus he has to wait for me when ever we go out ( testified by my friends). Yet he never threw his temper but if I were to wait for him for more than 10 mins, I would start making a big fuss and would go on about it for the whole day.
Guess he had enough and decided that he couldnt stand me anymore, he started giving in less and less. In order to maintain the relationship, I had to give in more. Unlike him, I wasnt able to give him my everything like he used to. Without him giving in, I couldnt feel the love he had for me. It was more like a relationship which whereby Im alone and dating myself. =/ Guess the 2 of us were just too used to each other, thus unwilling to let go of both parties. Its probably nolonger love, but like family and no one would want to lose their family members rite.
Hmms. Actually I doubt he would do that for me anymore. Im uncertain of how he feels and I guess he doesnt love me anymore, perhaps like but definately not love. Saw my friend's nick just now, usually I would either ignore or think that its corny. Yet I actually felt that his nick was sweet when it was a mere ''I am sorry''. Geesh. Think Im going crazy liao.
Still, I thank him for loving me in the past. If it wasnt for him, perhaps I will still be that
xiao mei mei. Maybe to him, I am still that little girl like I used to. Ohwell. I do miss him leis! WTH. I duno how Im feeling either. Geesh. Was it used to, or was it love?
-Thanks a dozen for loving me. Despite all the mean things u have said. C= Though you might not love me anymore, or less than before. Im happy that u once loved me. -hugs
